Do babies need to understand “no?”

My husband and I have a disagreement about discipline. He believes that
our eight-month-old son needs to learn the meaning of the word “no,”
so he plays a “game” with him by giving him a toy, book or other object,
then taking it back and saying, “no.” I can see that this upsets my son,
but my husband tells me I’m just being too protective.
     Is there anything to this idea that little children need to learn the 
meaning of the word “no” as early as possible? I hope he will listen to 
you, because he certainly won’t listen to me.

R.V., Batavia

Your husband is completely misinformed about what your eight-month-old
needs. Actually, he needs to hear “yes” as much as possible, and never
“no.”  As a baby, your son will experience having the toy taken from him
and hearing “no” as a message that he has done something wrong and that
your husband wants him to feel unhappy. Since, like all babies, he believes
that his parents are perfect, he will assume that the unhappiness he feels 
when your husband interacts with him in this way is the way he is supposed
to feel, and he will develop needs to recreate that unhappiness for himself 
and others. As he grows older, he may have trouble feeling that he deserves
good feelings or good things. He is also learning a model of relating that 
involves tormenting others and he may copy that as well.
     Babies do not need to learn the word “no.” They need you lovingly 
to protect them from anything that can harm them. Making your son
as happy as possible will not “spoil” him, but will facilitate his emotional 
development. He will copy your caring and grow up compassionate toward
himself and others.

INFANT Q&A

Do babies need to understand “no?”