PRETEEN/TEEN Q&A

This is a hard question to answer because it is not clear whether your 
daughter’s depression is the cause or whether she is depressed in response 
to the events at school. The best strategy is to approach the problem from 
both angles. You also need to investigate the possibility of an underlying 
physical problem. 
     First, your daughter’s pediatrician should examine her to ensure her 
physical complaints are not symptoms of a more serious problem. If she 
is all right, then try concrete help in making friends. Think of some activities 
such as going to a movie, bowling or bike riding, and suggest she invite 
a friend or two along. That may help start a friendship and you will have 
a chance to observe her with her friends. Notice whether she is unknowingly 
coming across as aloof, sarcastic or unfriendly. If you see she is getting 
in her own way, try to explain this to her as gently and diplomatically as 
possible. Then give her some strategies for approaching peers, such as 
asking them about their interests and avoiding monosyllabic answers. 
     In trying to understand why your daughter might be withdrawing and 
feeling depressed, you might also consider whether there have been recent 
dislocations in the family, such as illness, divorce, work-related problems 
or financial problems that might be affecting her. Ask her if she has things 
on her mind that are bothering or worrying her. Investigate whether she 
is upset about premenstrual changes in her body or the impending onset 
of menstruation. Most important, make clear to her that you know she 
is struggling right now and that you want to do everything in your power 
to help and you are available to talk.