Teen Questions - Smart Love Answers

Should I check up on my thirteen-year-old’s party plans?

My thirteen-year-old son is very popular and gets invited to many parties. 
To what extent should I be checking up on the party arrangements by calling 
the parents ahead of time? A friend of mine told me her daughter went to 
a party where the parents weren’t home and alcohol was available-she only 
found out from another mom who dropped in early to pick up her daughter. 
My son seems like a pretty solid citizen, but I do have questions about some 
of his friends. I hate to start acting like the CIA and dropping in or calling 
parents ahead of time to see if they will be there, but on the other hand I 
don’t want to be too laid back and discover later that my son is in trouble. 
How much vigilance is warranted here?

B.L., Skokie

Regardless of how much you trust your son, it is a good idea to call the 
parents hosting the party to make sure they will be home. Your son could 
go to a party thinking parents will be there only to discover they are not 
and his friends are doing things that make him uncomfortable. Or perhaps 
he has been told the host’s parents will not be there but is unwilling to 
tell you because he doesn’t want to blow the whistle on a friend. The worst 
scenario is that your son knows there will be no chaperones and plans to 
use alcohol or drugs. Whatever the case, by making clear to your son that 
you will always call the party-giver’s parents, you protect him from unsafe 
and illegal activities. And, no matter how much he protests, you demonstrate 
your love and concern for him. 
     One footnote: There are some instances when the host’s parents are 
home but the parents allow underage drinking-or even drug use-in the false 
belief that kids will engage in these activities anyway and it is better if they 
do it at home under parental supervision. So if you don’t know the parents 
well, when you call to make sure they will be home, it is also a good idea 
to say something like, “I assume you will make sure that there is no drinking 
or drug use during the party.”

PRETEEN/TEEN Q&A

Should I check up on my thirteen-year-old’s party plans?