Tears when parents go out.

My two-year-old daughter hates it when my husband and I go out for the 
evening and leave her with a babysitter. I think part of the problem may 
be that we haven’t done enough of this, but now when we try (once every 
two months, at the most) she clings to us and cries at the door. When I 
call, the sitter says that she calmed down in a few minutes and was fine, 
but she makes me feel so awful when we’re trying to leave that I don’t 
even want to go out any more. My husband feels like we have to go out 
together or we never get a chance to connect as a couple. This is starting 
to become an issue between us! Am I overreacting to my daughter’s 
distress, or should we avoid putting her through this?

C.F., Elmhurst

One of the hardest moments for every parent is the experience of trying 
to leave the house with a young child clinging to you as though her heart 
would break. Even though your child is behaving quite normally for her 
age-she loves being with you and hates to see you leave-you and your 
husband do need an occasional night out together. 
     We can suggest some strategies that will make your leaving easier 
for your daughter to bear. First, have the babysitter come half an hour 
before you leave in order to involve your daughter in a special project 
that she really enjoys, such as making play dough, painting, reading or 
watching a video. If your daughter is happily engaged when it’s time for 
you to go, she will have an easier time accepting your departure. Second, 
try to coordinate your outings in a way that fits well with your daughter’s 
schedule. If she is especially tired and cranky after 6:00 p.m., try to leave 
for your evening out by five. If she goes to bed by 7:00 p.m., you could 
leave at 7:15 p.m., after she is tucked away for the night. 
     Sometimes even very young children can accept your departure 
more easily if you tell them you will phone them and say “hello” while you 
are gone. But if all strategies fail and your daughter cries when you leave, 
reassure her that you are leaving her in good hands, tell her that you 
understand that she hates to see you go and that you will miss her too, 
give her a last hug, and enjoy your time with your husband.

TODDLER Q&A

Tears when parents go out.